Department of Anthropology Unveils Quetzalcoatl Effigy

From The Campus Chronicle October 10, 2011

by Derek Riesling



(Image from Wikimedia Commons)

Alright, just admit it. Lately you've found yourself feeling the mid-semester blues. You're in the bottom of a rut, a big rut from which canyon-sized walls of endless classroom hours and homework rise to hem you in. You seek adventure in a movie theater but the reality of your shallow life always snaps back in full force before the remnants of your gallon-sized horse chojer hits the bottom of the trash can on your way out. You are deprived and thirsting for an eyeful of real-life treasures that'll make your full-board tuition look like pennies rattling around a mason jar.

Well then, dear thrill seeker, your relief is nigh.

While you were kicking back on that pitiful excuse for a summer vacation, archaeologists from our own campus unearthed the discovery of a lifetime. No, I'm not yalking about a measly piece of trash or some petrified lump of fecal matter that somehow sets the archaeological world on fire. (Hey, if I spent that many hours digging in the ground perhaps I'd get excited over something other than dirt too!)

So what then, could have possibly been found that would interest your pixel blind, Twitter-pated, cyber-world mind?

I already told you.

It's treasure. You know, that often shiny, always rare and utterly priceless pieces of junk that instantly catch your eye and makes you lust for the greed and excess of some dead and decomposed pharaoh. The hunt for treasure is what keeps us searching through E-Bay and it's why we hold our breath each time Indiana Jones lifts the Idol of the Chachapoyan Warriors.

Yeah, I know, since the discovery of China's terra-cotta warriors, archaeologists just don't find honest eye-popping treasure anymore. But this summer has changed all that, and I'm not talking about just any old archaeological treasure - this is the stuff that makes Hollywood sit up and take notice. You will too if you show up at the Dumke Auditorium on Wednesday at 3:00pm. At this standing-room only event, the Department of Anthropology will be unveiling the so-called Quetzalcoatl Effigy.

Never heard of it? Don't worry, you will. They're calling it one of the greatest finds in southwestern archaeology, and with media coverage spanning from the Channel Six News to National Geographic, you can bet that yours truly will be there taking full advantage of this rare opportunity to sit in on a treasured piece of history.